Ask a Teacher
Q: I am an elementary school teacher and one of my student’s father passed away.
 What  can I do to help her through this grieving process?

A: Let me begin by stating that I am only giving you SUGGESTIONS of what I have done through the
 years in my classroom. I do not have a degree in this area.

  • Keep in close contact with the family, so you all can compare notes on how she is coping in
    all environments.

  • Inform staff members. Tell the school counselor so he/she can pull her one-on-one to discuss
    her feelings and also to get feedback from someone who has been trained in this area. Next,
    inform all her teachers (music, art, P.E., etc.) so they can help support her through this difficult
    time.

  • Get her permission to tell her classmates. It takes some children time to cope with peers
    approaching them during this grieving period. Once the OK is given, give the choice of YOU
    sharing the information with the class or her sharing it. It’s amazing how tender and helpful her
    classmates will be.

  • Make a card. Give colored construction paper, markers, crayons, etc., and let her have the
    option of making a card for her father. This allows her to express her feelings in pictures and
    words.

  • “Good Mourning." Look into any type of support group for her through a local hospital, such as
    a children’s hospital. The children’s hospital in my hometown has an excellent program called
    “Good Mourning." Contact the family and give your findings, so they can make the decision when
    and if they would like her to attend.

There are seven stages of grief (shock and denial; pain and grief; anger; depression; upward turn;
reconstruction and “working through," and acceptance). Your student will go through all these stages,
not necessarily in order or during her stay in your class this year. Her grieving process may take years.

It is hard to lose a parent, but during one’s childhood this is even harder. My prayers and thoughts go
out to your student and her family.
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Nancy has been an educator for 30 years and is currently a special education teacher.  
She is the former Center Director of LearningRx in Little Rock, Arkansas. She has
received local, state, and national recognition for her development of Downfeld
Phonics, a multi-sensory reading program.  Nancy also wrote curriculum for an
educational technology company.   

Nancy is a single mother of three children:  one with learning differences, one gifted,
and one who has to work for his grades.  Not only does she know what it is like to teach
all these different learning styles at school, but she has the experience of dealing with
all aspects of each twenty-four seven.  
Copyright © Nancy Downing. All rights reserved.
Photo © Dmccale | Dreamstime.com
Helping a student through the grieving process
by Nancy Downing