The Middle Mom

Middle mom

by Christie Erwin

After fifteen years of fostering, what have I learned about foster children? I know that they have entered this foster
care journey through no fault of their own, and they don’t deserve to be stigmatized for the indiscretions and
inadequacies of their parents. They are special. They are unique. They are each one-of-a-kind with special talents,
gifts and potential. All of those things may be untapped and underdeveloped, but they are there nonetheless.

They deserve a voice. Not a quiet, meek, timid, and reserved voice, but a resounding and reverberating cry for justice,
for unconditional love and the right to live in safety and peace. Granted, that voice may not be their own, but they
deserve to have someone embrace their cause and make sure it is heard. They deserve to be valued, to know that
value and have it instilled in them. They deserve to internalize the truth that they are worth fighting for.

Foster children deserve to be known in a deep, non-condemning, unconditional, loving way. Their feelings deserve
validation—all feelings, no matter how trivial or how horrific they may be. They deserve to be number one in someone’
s life. They deserve to be loved with everything I have as a parent: the sold out, no-holds-barred love, without the
presumption of receiving something in return, without condition, regardless of their behavior, attitude or actions.

Foster children deserve to be protected. They deserve the right to be children, not little adults who have to shoulder
the responsibilities of a household or of younger siblings, of teenage pregnancy, of the moral indiscretions of others,
of parents who are more like children than they are. Foster children need to be hugged, kissed, nurtured, taught,
played with, sung to, tucked in at night, and brought before the Father. And they deserve that.

A gift

In my life, being a foster parent has been an incredible gift. It is unbelievable to think that the Lord would choose to
use me, someone who is so fallible, inadequate, and unworthy, to care for these children that He holds so dear. I
remember reading somewhere that often times God does His greatest work through frail people. That is how I feel. It is
nothing short of amazing! I am blessed beyond measure.

After fifteen years, what have I learned about myself and the call on my life to be a foster parent? I have been
overwhelmed with love, joy and excitement, and been flung down with grief. I have been amazed at the support of
those around me and been astounded at the prejudice that still exists in our world today. I have watched as my
children nurture, comfort, fall in love with, and pray for each little child that is ours for a time. I have realized my
weakness and the Lord’s magnificent strength. I have come to understand that, as in all ministry opportunities, there
are many sacrifices involved in the foster care process. These sacrifices come in various forms. There is lack of sleep,
lack of quality family time, lack of intimate time with my husband, lack of time for myself. There are times when we can’t
attend functions with our friends, because we have little ones, and well, at our age, nobody else does! There is fear,
frustration and the feeling at times that no one understands my persistent passion.

Unanswered questions

There is the unexplainable grief that comes when a child leaves our home; the deep feeling of loss, the death of a
relationship and the worries that accompany the grief. Will this child wonder where I am and why I’ve left him? Will this
child be safe physically, emotionally, spiritually? Will this child have enough food to eat and the proper clothes to
wear? Will this child be loved and protected? Will this child ever have the opportunity to achieve his/her God-given
potential? Will this child know that God loves him/her and will he/she ever come to know Jesus? Will this child ever
know how much I love him/her? In the midst of all of these unanswered questions comes the penetrating truth that God
is in control. He is able. He has a plan. And He is sufficient. He always sends people and circumstances to encourage
and sustain me in times of despair.

One thing I know about foster care and adoption is that the blessings far outweigh the sacrifice. I am only doing what
God has called me to do; He’s doing the rest. I decided years ago to throw myself, my whole self, into the call that God
placed on my heart. However, in doing this, every time I embrace a child, I choose to make myself vulnerable;
vulnerable enough to make mistakes, to fail, to doubt, to fear, and at times to lose hope, but ultimately to trust the
heavenly Father to work in this unequipped, disorganized, humorous housewife! I have felt God’s power in my life in a
tangible way as I have wrapped my arms around each baby and I have felt His arms wrap around me as I let them go.
In my life, foster care has been an extraordinary testimony to the heavenly Father, a testimony to His faithfulness, His
omnipotence, His power, His mercy and to the intricacies of His plan for our lives.

Excerpted from The Middle Mom-How to Grow Your Heart by Giving It Away …a foster mom’s journey, © 2009 by
Christie Erwin. All Rights Reserved.

www.marymaywrites.com

Christie Erwin has cared for over 40 children in the past 15 years, in
both the public and private sector. She is currently the Co-Chairman of
the Pulaski County Adoption Coalition and Coordinator for the Pulaski
County Heart Gallery, as well as a founding member of The CALL
(Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime). Christie and her husband,
Jeff, live in Little Rock, Arkansas with their five children.

Visit Christie at www.themiddlemom.com or send her an e-mail at
themiddlemom@gmail.com.

HOME

Subscrib e to
Encouraging
Women With
Hearts for Their
Homes

E-ZINE HOM E