The Value of a Question Questions can bring out what's going on inside a child. by Rob Flood |
| Children can do some pretty unpredictable things. They may fluctuate — quickly — between funny, serious, dangerous, and adorable. You often wonder why they do the things they do. Have you considered asking them? Parents can fall into the trap of telling their young children about their motives instead of asking their children. Telling not only stifles discussion, it can lead you to wrong conclusions. Questions can bring out what's going on inside of a child. So how do you make it work? Ask open-ended questions Give kids a chance to answer: “What were you trying to do?” or “What were you feeling before you did that?” Their answers will provide you with insights. You'll want to refrain from asking questions like, “Did you…?” or “Why did you…?” Help them connect the dots Once they answer your questions, help them connect what they were feeling or what they were trying to do with their motives. If you're consistent, your child will begin to understand his or her motives, which is the first step in real behavior change. To illustrate, let's say your child hits another child. Instead of getting angry, remain calm and ask questions like: “What happened just before you hit him?” “How did you feel — angry, scared, excited?” “Did you get what you wanted by hitting him?” “What have Mommy and Daddy taught you about hitting?” These questions lead your children to discover the truth for themselves without you telling them. The most important thing to keep in mind when you use questions is that our goal is not only for our understanding, but for theirs as well. So be patient, sit down with them, and see the value of asking questions. © by FamilyLife. Used with Permission. All rights reserved. |
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